Freaky Good Man

Ladies, can we please talk? This is getting to be a bit much. This was on Oprah last season and I was reading an article that discussed the issue yesterday. What am I talking about? Glad you asked. This “grave” statistic that says 42.4% of black women have never been married.

Why would I have an issue with this statistic? Because the way the statistic is presented doesn’t in itself tell any meaningful story, yet when I have seen the percentage mentioned, it makes it seem like a black woman doesn’t have a snow ball chance in hell to get married to a black man. Does this mean that 42.4% of black women will never get married? No it does not. In fact the US Census says that by the time a black woman reaches the age of 50 that number drops to 14.6%. Which means the vast majority of black women will eventually be married. When you leave the first statistic out there to stand on it’s on, it gives a false impression that all black men are in prison, there are no good black men left to marry and one of the most tired statistics that black women consistently put out there: the 1 black man to 8 black women ratio.

Am I saying there are no issues in the black community regarding dating and marriage? Of course not, but at the same time there are statistics that are being presented that do not tell the whole story or give a clear picture of what the case really is.

Let’s truly look at some of the US Census numbers and put some things into perspective. When I first heard the 42.4% number of black women that have never been married, one of the first things that came to my mind was how many black men have never been married? The way the numbers are presented its like there is this huge number of black women out there single and black men are either off marrying white women or in jail. It would seem that 42.4% of black women are just shit out of luck when it comes to their chances of being married.

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What the deal is my people!

What have I been up to?

Wow, where do I start?

Let me hit on some specifics and go from there to update everybody.

I am still single.

Will turn 38 in April. I see why old folk forget there age. Instead of me enjoying 37 my ass is steady looking at 40 like oh shit that bitch is right here. 40 sitting there looking at my ass like that dumb as pile of money on those stupid Geico insurance commercials. lmao That age thing will mess with you if you let it. Then you have shit that remind you of it to. I will have my 20th high school reunion this summer. It’s like what the FUCK! 2o damn years!

Still in pretty good health. Need to lose about 10 pounds, but still playing ball and enjoying beating these young dudes on a regular basis.

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Your blog inspired me to start mine. Your thoughts were fun, insightful, entertaining and uncut. You turned out being a cool “internet” friend. We shared a few laughs and actually a few phone calls. I was impressed that you were fighting for yourself and your future. You didn’t seem to want to just get by with a sexy face and a nice body. I could always tell you were a bit torn with some of the things that were in your life, but who isn’t? You seemed to be putting up a good fight on finding your path. I will never forget how you texted me and told me you were thinking of doing porn. I think I saved the texts for over a year. I have to tell you my heart sanked. It wasn’t some “captain save a hoe” moment, but I truly felt OH NO DON’T DO IT! My gut said you were a good woman just trying to find her way and you didn’t know where else to turn. If you remember (I do very vividly) I invited you to hang out with me while I was in Vegas around the exact time you were heading to Cali to start filming. I was wishing and hoping you just needed some time to get away from things and re-think what you were about to do. Unfortunately (in my opinion) you went through with it. I can tell by some of the message board stuff that was posted that it was a stressful time for you and you struggled with the decision although you publicly stood by it. I remember when you told me that you had actually started doing some scenes and was hanging with a couple female porn stars as we were on the phone talking. When I saw your first video, I didn’t see the vibrant person I had gotten to know. A small part of it was hot as I saw you doing some things that you told me were turn ons, but as the camera went back to your face you seemed like a lost soul. In my opinion the porn world never got to see the pretty you, but maybe that’s how it’s suppose to be. We were out of contact and you popped up via email one day and we briefly caught up. You shared with me your new video blog and I thought, cool she is getting back to a medium where she can express herself. Once again, I saw a shell of the person I thought I had gotten to know. Several of your blogs were done while intoxicated and it just didn’t shed a good light on you. Now here I am writing to you out of the blue on a late Saturday night. Why? I am not sure, I guess I’m hoping that things are going well for you. Also, to let you know I am still rooting for you. Good luck to you my “internet” friend. Be blessed.

This is my 200th post. I honestly can’t believe I am still writing in this thing now. I know, I know, I just got back to it after a hiatus. But, when I started writing I had no idea where this would go. This has been a bit therapeutic and fun as well.

One of the things I never expected from blogging was the chance to develop friendships. I have a couple of people that have become true friends through this blog. That along has been worth the journey.

When I realized that I was coming up on this milestone, I kept thinking I have to do something special and really never came up with anything over the top. So, I just decided to just write about what has changed in my life over the last 199 blog entries. I am writing this completely off the cuff, so this entry may float from place to place, just bare with me.

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As I mentioned on my other post, I want to thank everyone that prayed for my grandfather. I have always been one that believes in corporate prayer where there is a collective prayer for something specific by a body or group of people. In my mind there is nothing that can explain my grandfathers turn around other than prayer.

The reason I am bringing this up is that I was IMed the other day by one of my readers and she really touched me. She IMed me out of the blue to just check on me and to see if I was ok and to let me know that she missed reading my blog.

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This is just a general update on everything going on with me.

The new job is coming along. I have gotten use to the commute so far. It’s at least an hour to an hour and 15 mins. one way. But, those of you that know Atlanta know that’s not unheard of. The biggest thing for me is getting use to sitting in front of a computer for the majority of the day. I will write a more detailed entry about the job soon, but over all it’s been a decent move for me.

My grandfather has been up and down, but mostly holding steady. At one point, I think he was just waiting to pass on. But, they have brought his physical therapist and nurse back in on a limited basis, but it has helped a lot.

My mom had been doing extremely well until today. She felt sick today and went to the emergency room. I think it was more a precaution than anything. Seems like her pressure went up just a tad. So, they released her after treating her a little for her pressure.

She has gotten a job. It’s a temp position but it has some potential for some growth. So, things are looking up for her. She is still disappointed it isn’t in her field exactly and not what she wanted. She was really looking at getting a job with the state that she felt she was qualified for. Things tend to work out for the best, I am glad she is at least working now. I know not working for so long was getting tough for her.

The business is taken steps forward. We have to big events coming up soon. I will be in LA Thursday of this week and heading to VA Beach the following Thursday for our two big mid year events on both coasts.

We got hit up by a professional ball player that is very interested in sponsoring what we are doing. A good friend of his told him what we were doing and we didn’t have to track him down, he has been calling us, which has shown us that he is very serious. His friend keeps telling us that he is in once he gives his word. And he has told us that money is no issue. When you hear words like that, it just seems too good to be true. So we are incredibly excited about it but still a little weary. It’s still in its very early stages, but we are hoping for the best. It probably won’t all pan out until the end of the year. But, this could be the break we have been looking for to really really take us over the top. Keep us in your prayers.

I have finally started hitting the gym on the regular. It has been so tough getting back into a regular grove, but I made it. Starting to see some results. By the end of July I should be about where I want to be. But, then again I will be traveling in back to back weeks, so we shall see.

Just over a year ago, I wrote an entry titled Is it intimidation? . In that entry I talked about some of the responses I get from women after they have read my blog. A good percentage of the people that read my blog always enjoy my adventures as a good read. Alot want to actually experience some of the things I have written about. There is also large number of the ladies that said that if they were reading the blog looking at me as someone to date they would be intimidated by the experiences. The underlying theme they had was wondering if they could live up to my expectations of a sexual partner. Which I find to be very interesting. I don’t have these broad expectations for a woman I have sex with. If a woman is open to try some things I am cool. I can bring the rest to the table. Have to make it do what it do.

That was only about 4 or 5 months ago. The FGM blog has been in full effect for about 18 months now. I have experienced and posted more adventures and thoughts since then as well as met few new people along the way.

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The Big 35! Today is my 35th Birthday. I decide to write about how I feel at this time in my life. I have had a wonderful life. I had a great childhood being mostly raised in my grandparent’s home by a single parent mother with the help of my grandparents. High School was a fun experience; I was a popular student and good with academics although I didn’t apply myself as much as I could have. I did well in NJROTC and sports (baseball and football). I was one of the fortunate ones that was accepted by the ghetto kids, the athletes and the smart kids in school.

After HS I ended up going to Morehouse College. It was one of the best experiences I have ever had and wouldn’t trade it for the world. Made some life long friends and had some great times. Not to mention receiving a great education.

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Perception can be a bitch. Most people are sold on what others present to them. Sometimes a person gets perceived based on stereotypes that we personally hold. Those stereotypes usually have been shaped by society or the immediate community we live in.

It is always extremely interesting getting the responses I get when people ask me for pictures after reading my blogs. Now don’t get me wrong. People aren’t like ewwwww, you ugly. lol It’s nothing like that. However, most people’s perception of me based on my writing is usually off.

Even if there was no intent to form a mental picture of who was behind the writing, it is human nature for us to place some sort of figure into our minds as we read.

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I am sitting here on my off day and I have the opportunity to watch the funeral of Mrs. Coretta Scott King. It is as I am watching this that it reminds me of the Atlanta I know. The Atlanta I grew up in, the Atlanta I have became a man in. There are a great percentage of people that live here that were not born here. There is nothing wrong with that. There are a great number of people that come to visit Atlanta. They recognize Atlanta as Hotlanta. And that is fine as well.

However, the Atlanta I know is deeply rooted in the success of African Americans. The funeral of Mrs. King reminds me of why Atlanta really became the city it has become. It is not about the clubs, it is not about the beautiful (physically beautiful) people or the good weather.

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It’s the end of the year and I am not one that’s big on New Year’s resolutions per say, but I have always believed in setting goals. I will turn 35 in 06′ so it’s time to step the game up to another level. I am going to set my goals pretty aggressively this year. As one of the most illustrious presidents of my Alma mater Benjamin E. Mays once said: “The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. It isn’t a calamity to die with dreams unfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream. It is not disgrace to not reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for.”

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I went to see the movie Jarhead today. It was ok, not a great movie and it wasn’t bad, but middle of the pack. What it did do was remind me of some of my experiences in the military. The movie focused on a guy that joined the Marine Corp. right before the first Gulf War. It hit very close to home because that was the time I was in going through basic training myself.

When I was in High School, I was very active in the JROTC. I even considered making the military a career at a point. I went to Morehouse on a ROTC scholarship and was really pursuing becoming a military officer. Being in ROTC is a hard thing to complete at Morehouse for several reasons. For one you have a pretty strict regime to abide by to begin with. In addition to regular studies we had military classes to attend like ship systems, we had to attend drills and even did PT (physical training). I will never forget the first time we were doing a run at 6:00 am going through the projects. I kept waiting for someone to shoot at us or something. Luckily that never happened.

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Went to a funeral today. It wasn’t a tearjerker. Was somewhat similar to a funeral I went to a few months back. This was the funeral of my grandparent’s next door neighbor. I use to stay with my grandparents through a good portion of my childhood so I knew this gentleman well and he was just that a true gentleman.

The funeral was good for my soul and somewhat sad at the same time. It was good for my soul to see all of the families I grew up with. Most of the parents of the families are very gray and moving slower. Just to see their faces light up when they saw me was good for me. The sad part was it was very clear to me that this is a transition point in my life. The grandparents are leaving us and are about to be replaced by the parents my mother’s age.

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Wow, this is my 100th blog entry. When I first started this, it was really just on a whim and I wasn’t sure how long it would hold my interest, let alone anyone else. What I am going to do on this entry is do a little trip down memory lane, see what has changed since I started in my blog and how the blog itself has developed.

The Blog

I started off my blog on blogspot.com, for those that are IT challenged like me and are interested in starting your own, it’s the best place to start because it’s real simple to use. To the best of my recollection the blog that got me started was www.jia-uncut.com. So, shout out goes to Ms. Jia. I just happened to run across her page and thought it was interesting and the rest is history.

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One of the readers of my blog asked me what my sign was. She said that I had to be either a water or earth sign. A Scorpio or Taurus. Well she was right. I am a Taurus born April 27th.

It was interesting to me that she called that out, because in general conversation you don’t hear people giving props to Tauruses for their passion and sexuality. You usually here, oh you are stubborn and mean. If someone thinks passion and sex they usually think of Scorpios.

A year or so ago I saved one of the descriptions of the Taurus sex sign. I pulled it up on my computer and had to really laugh at how on point it was. I also remember how one of the last sentences it had about a Taurus was something that I thought was “out” there and it didn’t describe me. Uh, well, I have to scratch that off the list now.

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