Now don’t go share this at bible study, but porn can be very good for your relationship. I know some of you that are really into church right now are going to say the FGM has lost his damn mind. I have been down the road of celibacy on more than one occasion. I have done it twice; once as a single person and once in a relationship. During that period of time I did not watch any porn and of course no sex. Both times the celibacy period was over a year in length. I am not saying that to say that a year was this ridiculously long time, I know people that are celibate for longer periods of time than that, I am just giving you an idea that it wasn’t just a 30 day thing or just during the 40 days of Lent.
Now during that time of celibacy I focused on my walk and being a better Christian. At the end of the day, I am honestly not sure where that period of celibacy left me or frankly if it was worth it. Now, that is not what this blog is about, so we can table that for another discussion, but what I learned during those times of celibacy was that my sexual imagination was not as vivid as when I didn’t watch porn. Which was a good thing during celibacy, but once I was not celibate it was not so good. I think I have a pretty creative mind when it comes to exploring sexually, so I am not saying that if you don’t watch porn you can’t have a creative sex life.
What I think happens when you remove porn is that you miss out on what the latest and greatest trends are and when we live in a bubble where we have to spice things up in the bedroom on our on it gets to be mundane. A good analogy for porn is like when a man reads GQ to see what the latest fashions are or when a woman reads Essence to see what’s hot (I know Essence is not a fashion magazine per se, so work with me ). If you are not exposed to new ideas from the fashion world most people are not creative enough to just start their own style.
I also noticed that men that are in long term relationships that think they are doing the right thing by eliminating porn tend to have mates that are flat out bored with what’s going on in their bedroom. Most of the time when you hear women complaining about sex in their relationships it’s about it being too quick or not having much thought behind it and it has become very routine. Guess what, if you are not exposed to outside sources to help your creativity it’s going to be routine. Where else is he going to get ideas from? Women will read romance novels and get ideas or thoughts from those books. The reality of it, those romance novels are written porn. Yes I know, it has a plot and blah blah blah, but the shit is porn. The flip side of that, while women are being flooded with images from romance novels, lifetime channel and soap operas guys don’t get fed any new ideas. Guys are not getting the same exposure from different ideas if it’s not from porn. They are not getting it from ESPN, CNN, the ball game, the strip club, the business journal, not much going on in GQ and some times Men’s Health will have a decent article. We (men) are damn sure not getting it from Church. But, for the most part men are stuck on an island having to try to be creative and they have zero assistance. Yet their spouse is expecting him to step up his game in the bedroom. Now I am not saying that porn is going to make your man bring you flowers or light candles or have you a hot bath ready for you when you get home. But, if you want him to add some spice into the actual sex itself porn will help your relationship. Back in the day porn and toys were called marital aids. All the goody goody people in the world made all aspects of porn bad so you rarely hear it called that anymore, but that is exactly what it is.
If you are an adult and you are actively trying to have a good sexual relationship, enjoy porn with your mate or at least let him watch some. Don’t make it out to be a dirty thing and also don’t assume that if he watches it he is going to be thinking about who he saw on the porn while he is fucking you. Even if he does, don’t sweat it; just enjoy the benefits of his extra hard dick because he is fantasizing. It’s not like he is about to find the bitch he is watching and leave you. Besides we all know that women fantasize to, so just enjoy the ride. In fact, get to know who his favorite porn starlet is and figure out what it is she does that gets him off. Pick up on some of the shit she does or have a role play night and you pretend to be her. Try to enjoy the porn with him so he is not just hiding it or sneaking off to enjoy it. Use the opportunity as a bonding experience. It could possibly be awkward to start, because most people watch porn alone. But, it’s like any other activity that you do; once you start enjoying it with our spouse it creates bonding.
Here is an exercise for you to try: get a porn and get your guy to watch it with you. As the porn gets going, pull his dick out and jack him and / or suck him off. Once he cums you lay back and masturbate yourself until you cum. Tell him that shit was hot and ask him what he thought about it. Use that to open up some dialogue on things you want to try. Do it more than once, don’t make it just a one time thing. Also, he may want to obviously fuck, don’t make it about fucking us the experience to create more fun experiences. Make it about him relaxing with you. Now I am not saying don’t get any dick, but work the situation and have fun with it.
One last thing: Where do you get porn? Your boy FGM is hooking you up with a free link to some porn. I have posted a similar link before and everybody loved it, so here is another one.
This is mostly black porn and you download the individual scene you want instead of the full movie. When you go to the link I am about to provide, you can preview pictures of the scene before downloading it. Depending on your download speed it can take about 20 to 30 mins to download the scene. The scenes typically are 20 to 30 mins long. You can search by clicking on the female porn star’s name listed on the right side, other than that you have to just scroll through the pages. You can play the scenes on your laptop or computer and you can also burn them to disk to play in a DVD player as well.
http://mcrghostwriter.blogspot.com
Here is a second site for you. I like this one a little better, because the files are downloaded on Zshare. With Zshare you can actually preview the file without actually downloading it to your hard drive. The quality is not as good as the other site, but this site has more variety.
Enjoy!
Quite interesting…
Comment by Damiana — April 10, 2009 @ 5:32 am
Ok.. so you say porn is good for the relationship, I can see your point… What about when porn is an addiction? Let me break it down to you.. I have to admit to being a little snoopy..my bad.. but I have found out that my boyfriend looks at porn damn near everyday on the internet.. be it scenes or pics. At first I was ok with it cause I know men look at porn and even I do on occassion but to look at it everyday seems a little much to me.. Me personally, I am a ride or die chick.. anything he wants he gets other than anal and we both agreed on not liking that avenue.. I am a thick curvy woman and he told me in the beginning that he liked bbw’s some of these women weigh at least 300lbs no joke… My question to you is should I be concerned that he looks at it everyday? Should I be concerned that I am really not exactly what he likes in a woman although he is always telling me I have a bad ass body, and that I am beautiful? This topic is right on time for my situation.. Please help!!!
Comment by Anonymous — April 10, 2009 @ 9:16 am
@anonymous
Can porn be addictive? Yes it can. Everything we do in life should be done in moderation. I recall when the internet really got going with porn. At the small company I worked at all the guys would head to the porn sites as soon as the official work day was over. Even the President of the company would check it out.
To me whether or not it’s an addiction should be determined by whether or not it is affecting the person being able to function as normal. Is it causing problems with the person taking care of their family life?
It sounds to me that maybe he has a fetish for big women. There is not anything wrong with that on the surface and there could be a lot of other fetishes he could have that are a lot stranger.
DO not assume because he is looking at a certain type of porn that it means that he prefers that over you. It sounds like there is a bit of a trust issue that may be more at the forefront than the porn.
If he is with you, you should assume that he is with you because he wants to be with you unless he is giving you a reason to believe that you are not who he wants to be with other than looking at porn?
Try watching it with him as I mentioned in the entry. If watching porn is brought into the open and the sneak factor can be removed it could help the situation for both of you.
I think you should also take a look at yourself and ask why you feel the need to snoop around. I know a lot of people do it, both men and women. But, why does this insecurity exist in your relationship?
Comment by freakygoodman — April 10, 2009 @ 6:52 pm
Yes there is a little insecurity from a prior relationship unfortunately. You see I was married for 9 yrs prior to this relationship and my husband cheated on me numberous times and basically told me about it. At first when we started dating I was doing very good until a few months ago.. Something just didn’t seem right.. I guess you could say women’s so called intuition.. and I went through his phone, vm and text, everything was straight. Then recently I added internet service at my house and he brought his computer over.. he would be up in the middle of the damn night on the thing, I wouldn’t be nosey just turn over and go back to sleep. So one day when I came home from work I found some pics in a pic program that was with other pics off his camera and I looked up the file that these photos were in and I found all of them.. sooo many.. It doesn’t interfere with the way he takes care of his business. I feel like he puts me on a pedestal like his queen.. Thank you so much for the insight I really appreciate it.. I’m gonna steer away from the snooping and try to integrate porn openly into our relationship.
Comment by Anonymous — April 13, 2009 @ 2:05 pm
You still have to address the porn issue. It is something that is on your mind and it’s not going to go anywhere. That is one of those things that can eat way at a relationship. You have to be honest to him about your concern, but you have to walk the fine line of not trying to alienate him about it. Try not to make it strictly about the porn, because that could make him pull away from you and hide it even more.
Comment by freakygoodman — April 14, 2009 @ 11:48 pm