Freaky Good Man

Here is a question that was asked in response to a post I just made (Are you afraid to share?) .

Personally, I find it very hard to share only one desire with my significant other.. That desire is to be with a woman and actually we could do participate in it as a 3 some. My hang up in telling him is from previous conversations were we would be talking about certain situations in our lives and I get this feeling that he really wouldn’t be that into it and he may view me in a different light. Sometimes I just wanna come out and say it, hell he told me he has done it before but he says he just wasn’t that into it.. I’m not really sure what to do I have thought of renting a few girl on girl movies that have some 3 some scenes in it and tell him that’s hot.. do you have any suggestions?

There are a couple of things that need to be addressed before I give suggestions. One thing I want you to reflect on and ask yourself (I think we all need to do this). If the person you are with is really the one will they really judge you if you share your most intimate desires? A person that truly cares about you is not going to change their thoughts of you as a person because of the sexual desires you have. Now, that is not saying that person has to want to try it or agree with it. Everyone has their own thoughts, desires and boundaries.

Secondly, you have to be real with yourself and ask, am I willing to handle the consequences of sharing my most intimate desires with this person? This is probably the most difficult thing to deal with because if you didn’t care about the person it would make it a lot easier to share these things without concern for the outcome. In a perfect world you should be able to share anything with your partner and it not be an issue. We all know that is just not the case and there could be some type of negative reaction.

Now to the question and comment that was made. I think it needs to be recognized that your partner probably is hedging his bets when he says that he wasn’t that into the 3some. To me he is saying this to let you know he has had this experience before, but it wasn’t good enough for you to have to worry about doing it again so you will not feel like this is something you will have to feel pressured into doing. The reality is, that having a 3 some with two women is the biggest fantasy most guys have and that has been proven in surveys. Now there are always exceptions to the rule but, the reason he showed some disinterest is because most women’s typical reaction when a guy says something about a 3 some is typically negative.

There are several ways I think you can present this to him. The thought you had in your comment is one of those ways. Instead of a girl on girl flick get a flick that actually shows the 3 some scenario you would like to have happen. If you guys have flicks playing while having sex, fuck the shit out of him while that flick is playing. When you are done, say something to the effect: Damn baby I don’t know what got into me tonight, but I think that flick turned me on. That shit was hot. What do you think about it? That allows you as the woman to kind of control the situation, but you opened the door an initiated it.

Now this is the only problem with this scenario and it is the fault of women. Men are so fucked up in the head sometimes wondering where a woman is going with something they are scared to go down that road because it may get them in some sort of trouble. Now ladies if you are honest with yourself you know exactly what the hell I am talking about. You get so slick trying to get the answer for a guy you lead him with questions to catch his as in something or to get the truth out. The problem with this, guys are aware of this and may not give a true answer out of fear the truth will come back to bite his ass.

The second suggestion is to have a heart to heart with him. Make sure it is in a non-threaten environment. Like a night you guys have been out for a nice dinner and drinks or anything along those lines and say, “Baby, I really care for / love you and I want to share something with you that is something I have been wanting to experience and have been concerned how you will receive it. My concern is that I don’t want this to change how you feel about me, because I am still the woman you care for / love. But, I trust you and want to share this with you. “Now the average guy is going to think oh shit, what the hell is she about to drop on me. When he hears it’s a 3some, it will take the edge off and he will be relieved it’s not a major issue in his mind. At this point you just have to share what you would like to happen and maybe even let him know, this is not me trying to test you or anything like that, I truly want to have this experience with you.

The 3rd suggestion is for does of you that do not watch porns or don’t watch them with your partner. Tell your partner that you have been reading a novel or the FGM blog and you were reading about this scenario and when you read it, it really turned you on. Tell him it has been on your mind every since you read it and can’t get it out of your mind. Let him know you want to see if it is as good in reality as it sounded on the book you read.
Why is it important to give a reference point on why you want to do it? Our partners (men and women) in the back of their mind may wonder where in the fuck did this come from and how long has the thought been there. If you have been with a person for awhile you really do not want them to think that you have been hiding this from them for the duration of your relationship. That may bring up issues of trust and why it wasn’t share sooner. Make the situation as easy as possible and try to let it be about the 3some and not about anything else.

Here are a couple of other points that I think are very important. Once you get it out there and your partner agrees. You need to have a plan on how you are going to make this happen. You want to move forward while it is still hot on their mind and as well as yours. You also want to already have in your mind what the boundaries are. Now if you bring this up and the guy is limited too much in his interaction with the other person you are going to reduce the fun that you all can have.

The last thing I want to mention and it may be the most important. You need to truly visualize this thing happening and how it will turn out. While I have enjoyed a few 3somes and think they are a hell of a lot of fun. It can cause problems in your relationship. Particularly if you have real feelings for the person you want to experience this with. You have to ask yourself, how will I feel watching him fuck someone else. Even if you are right there and it was your idea. Seeing your partner being intimate with someone else can fuck with your mind. I give big big props to couples that have open relationships or swing, because I think it takes a strong person to be open enough to be ok with your partner truly enjoying another person. You should also be ready to see your partner responding differently to another person’s touch than they respond to you. It’s natural. That does not mean your partner likes their touch more than yours its just different and new. Be prepared for your partner to get very excited, this can be like Christmas and getting new toys to play with. So, do not try to reign in the joy of the moment, because the situation can be very hot sexually and rewarding.

When you do this you need to be secure in your relationship and know that this is about the 2 of you and not the 3rd person. Regardless of how the actual event goes down, the 3some is not bigger than the relationship you have.

One more disclaimer: Choose your 3rd person wisely. While their intentions can be purely sexual, time and time again the 3rd person will attempt to see one of the partners in the couple on a more exclusive basis. Now this does not mean they are trying to break up your relationship, but they may decide they want one on one time with one of you because they may not be that into the other partner. More times than not the woman will try to be exclusive with the female of the couple, but it goes the other way as well.

Here is a little reading material for you: 3some gone good and bad part 1 and 3some gone good and bad part 2. This is a two part blog of a 3some I had that was very pleasurable until my original partner flaked out. Interesting read and I have heard of similar scenarios multiple times.

Any readers out there that have been down this road please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences. What worked and what didn’t.