Went to a funeral today. It wasn’t a tearjerker. Was somewhat similar to a funeral I went to a few months back. This was the funeral of my grandparent’s next door neighbor. I use to stay with my grandparents through a good portion of my childhood so I knew this gentleman well and he was just that a true gentleman.
The funeral was good for my soul and somewhat sad at the same time. It was good for my soul to see all of the families I grew up with. Most of the parents of the families are very gray and moving slower. Just to see their faces light up when they saw me was good for me. The sad part was it was very clear to me that this is a transition point in my life. The grandparents are leaving us and are about to be replaced by the parents my mother’s age.
Which means that I am about to replace the people in my mom’s age. To recognize that means several things. One of the sad things is it means I will be going to lots of funerals in the next few years. There have been two deaths on my grandparent’s street in the last 6 months. In my mind these funerals will probably be like the one today, celebrations of a good life and not tearjerkers. These people have lived nice long lives. The gentleman today was 70. Both of my grandparents are over 75. The other parents and grandparents in the neighborhood are in that age range.
When I look at all of the people I saw today, I saw over 10 couples that had been married for over 40 years. That’s on one street in one neighborhood that is not a large neighborhood. Now I am not crazy, just because people are married for that long doesn’t mean that they are happily married the whole time. But, it does show a hell of a commitment to family. I have always wondered if that style of commitment to family was the right thing to do. Today we have the mindset of life is too short to not be happy. So we dip when the going gets tough in relationships. These couples were old school in that they believed that you stayed together for the family first and you sucked up your issues and put yourself second.
I am torn by that thought process. I have always felt that having a stressful home is not healthy for the couple or the children that are being raised in the family. However, I must admire it. It’s truly for better or worse.
When we loose people like these I also wonder what type of people are replacing them. Little league coaches, teachers, principals, community leaders, mentors, etc. Is the right fabric being woven into the characters of the next generation? I would like to think so, but it is a concern I have. This generation created the first true black middle class. They were the first generation to go to college in large numbers and get jobs with the government. This was the generation that spawned the civil rights movement. My grandfather was at Morehouse when Dr. King was there and there was a call to be better men. Being a thug was not something that was embraced. Now not only do guys strive for it, but women desire that. I don’t understand that and think it is one of the most counter productive aspects of the black community.
What is the agenda for the generations that are about to step up to the plate? It’s not equality like the generation that is leaving us. The only thing I can think of is money, chasing the dollar. If that’s the case, we may be in trouble.
I love families of yesteryear…
Hollywood has placed a false impression of ‘quick being better,’ and many people in our age bracket are following suit.
WHEN (sighs) I get married, I hope that my relationship lasts for years..and years….and *gulp* years. But again, Hollywood is treating marriage, commitment and family like its a fad–stay involved for two or three years and you’ve done your part.
Not even….
Anyway, good post.
Comment by Jia — November 4, 2005 @ 2:33 am
I sooo love this entry!!
The adage, “life is too short to be unhappy”… is faulty. We strive for UNREALISTIC expectations of life and relationships. There is NO possible way to always be happy.
Everything, every emotion has it’s exact, equal opposite. Night and Day. Happiness and Sadness. Sunshine and Rain. Joy and Gloom. Yin and Yang. Life is about balance. It’s not about ONLY experiencing happiness. If that were the case, if we never knew sadness… then we would never RECOGNIZE joy.
So, why do we see couples that manage to stay together for 40 years? Because, as you’ve stated their commitment is first and foremost… the FAMILY. There’s no time to be selfish when you’re meeting the needs of your family. No time to worry about me, me, me. And there may have been some hard times in those 40 years but it only serves to cement the relationship. It’s the glue that keeps it all together.
I’ve blogged in your comment section… sorry. LOL… i could go on and on.
Hugz,
neena
Comment by Neena — November 4, 2005 @ 1:58 pm
Mannnn…”Cash Rules Everything Around Me-CREAM / Get the money, Dolla Dolla Bill y’all!!” Yep! Don’t blame hollywood. Don’t blame the next man. Our generation is SOOO consumed in gettin’ money, things like values and morals have been replaced. Sad? Yes! But there’s no one to blame but US!!
Comment by Monk — November 6, 2005 @ 9:30 am
You know, I must agree with you. I do believe that this generation (our generation) is about money, but I think that society has to take some of the blame for our reasoning. By this I mean, that whenever we see movies or tv sitcoms, we see, the bling! Money, is the root of all evil. If we allow ourselves to make money as our god, then we are all doomed. If we trust in God, then He will show us the purpose and the legend that our generation will leave for generations to come.
I am so sorry to hear of your family’s friend passing. I have no way to comfort you, other than to to tell you to seek God for comfort. I to have had a passing in my family. My uncle died at the age of 62 on Thursday from a heart attack. I was at work when I received the news. I was devastated, to say the least. I will be going to North Carolina on Tuesday to attend the funeral. This unfortunate incident was a shock to my family. I ask for your prayers.
I’m sorry like Neena, I’ve blogged in your comments section…lol. Please, forgive me.
Comment by Lady — November 6, 2005 @ 7:45 pm
Coming to the realization that you stated is constant. Some say that the world just revolve and so does life. I wonder what that generation that you are speaking of said our us ( the people in their thirties, because the eighteen to twenty-three years old are something else.
We need money to have a better life, there are some out there who let money rule them and there are some who knows how to make it work for them.
I really think is some thing else worse than money. . .Our children are growing up with a total different mind set. When I was in junior high (let me remind you that I am 35, so you will know what age group I am referrng to), we had so many teenagers having babies. These kids that were a product of that generation do not know anything about respect for their elders and any adult.
My sister and brother are 4 and 12 years behind me respectively. So the people that are in junior high, high school and around 20 years of age are really dispressing. I guess you can say that money, power and respect makes them tick.
Comment by linda — November 13, 2005 @ 12:52 pm