I read an article in the AJC the other day that was written by a gentleman who writes for the Washington Post. He wrote about the lack of black men in the church. Now he didn’t bash black men, he just gave his on personal account of why he hasn’t been to church. He talked about how he was actually a licensed minister and that he use to be very active in his church and even misses certain aspects of it.
The article to me was not a black man’s article. To me it was an article about a disconnect from men in general with church, but since he and I are both black men, I can live with his topic and will try to share my thoughts on the topic as a black man.
I am at a similar point in my life as this writer. However, he is married with two children. I would hope that I wouldn’t let my spouse and kids go to church alone, but if he is at the point that I am, I can somewhat feel his pain.
Now, denominationally I am United Methodist, but to be honest I am not tied to a denomination. My church is one of the less Methodist style churches you will find. To me church has always been about my spiritual growth regardless of denomination.
Not very long ago I was very active in my church. I sat on the men’s day committee. Was active in Men’s Bible study. We would go to a half way house and share with brothers trying to get back on their feet. I had taken several courses at our church to further my Christian walk. I was tithing and the whole nine. I was a brother not afraid to raise his hands at church if I felt the spirit, I wasn’t afraid to shed a tear if the music or the word tugged on my heart.
Then one day I looked up and it had been months since I had been to church. There was never a conscious decision to stop going to church. I started putting me not going on my new business. Which does require my time on Sundays. But, the truth of the matter is that it’s not to the point where if I made a concerted effort I couldn’t get to church.
Early on in my absence at church my mom tried to get me before I was too far from the church. She mentioned to my pastor that I hadn’t been and believe it or not he called me one night to check on me. Which I have to say suprised the heck out of me because I am a member of one of the larger congregations in Atlanta. But, because of my previous activeness he knew who I was by name. At the time of the call, to me it wasn’t anything major. I told him about the business on Sundays and kind of blew it off. He told me if I needed anything to come talk to him and that I was a good one and he didn’t want to lose me. Which was refreshing.
But, nothing changed. I continued not making any real effort to go, although I still hadn’t figured out why. There hadn’t been any event to my knowledge that had shaken my faith. Or anything that I could put my finger on at church that had happened.
During this time when I would go to church on occasion, it wouldn’t feel the same to me. It was a disconnect. The joyfulness of church wasn’t the same. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the service, but there was no connect with my spirit.
As I have analyzed my thoughts and really tried to figure out what is missing. A few things have come to my mind. One, the black church as gotten so commercial and canned that its sad. Every church does the same thing. And I say every church in that I do try to catch sermons on TV and regardless if it’s a 50 person church or one of the mega churches on TV. They all do about the same thing and they all use the same terminology. I hate it when a preacher says touch 3 people and tell them that God is good or some other exercise that requires me to do something similar. Why do I hate it? It’s not that I hate God and mind telling someone that God is good. God is good and I have said it here publicly on my blog. My problem is, that it’s not original and every single pastor uses it. Not only that, it seems like pastors try to fit it into almost every sermon they have.
All the pastors are using the same catch phrases. God is good all the time …… and all the time God is good. And there are at least 10 more catch phrases that every single church uses. There is no originality. The other thing that has really gotten me is the theatrics in church. Now I love a good orator. Nothing like a good sermon. But, man do I get tired of when the preacher hits that one point and the damn organist chimes in the emphasize the point. Or when the pastor gets going good and he hits his huhs and hahs and gets to grunting. Now when the spirit hits you, I feel you. But, a lot of time its the same thing every single Sunday. And again, not just talking about my church. I have visited churches and have watched sermons on TV. Why in the hell does the organist have to help you bring your message home. It reminds you of a movie when there is a good or scary part about to happen, they give you some mood music. I don’t want a show, I want to be fed the word. Now the flip side of that, is that I don’t want a boring just mono tone guy repeating what he read in seminary.
What is the church doing in the community? It seems absent to me. Yes the church has food drives and will feed the hungry. We also try to help families in need when we can. But, why do we have to build multi-million dollar churches in order to fellowship? Why couldn’t that money be used in conjunction with some federal grant money to create training centers for the unemployed or those coming out of prison. My church is building a 12 million dollar church. I am sure we could have come up with a decent space for half that with less of the trimmings and used the other 6 to really make a splash in the community. Hell, what about a business incubator to help people start and maintain their businesses?
One of the things that black men use as a crutch to not go to church is the amount of money being spent in churches by the poor and middle class, yet the pastors are living large. Now I honestly don’t have a major problem with that. The pastor should be taken care of, but gluttony and vanity seem to really come into play with a lot of the pastors these days.
The last thing that really has turned me off about the church is that there is no real attempt to fish for men. As Christians we are called to be fisher of men. What I see is a lot of people talking to other people they know that go to church and brag about what’s going on inside of their church and how a person needs to come visit their church. But, you wouldn’t catch these same people going into the halfway houses or on the streets telling people about the church or how wonderful God is. So you get a lot of people church hopping. No real new members being brought into the church, just a lot of people going from one church to the other.
Oh one other thing, as a man, when I have been active at church. It seems like a lot of the brothers at the church are really not guys I would hang out with. And when I say hang out with, I don’t mean at the club. But, play ball with or enjoy going fishing with. Things that guys do. It seems like all the cool guys at church are the old heads who have done all their dirt so now they are content being in the church all the time. But, young cats still trying to do somethings and enjoy life outside of just church, seem to be far and few between. Not saying that there are not any good well rounded guys that are in the church. But, sometimes you can be at a church function for the men of the church and you might as well be in Nerd land somewhere. It’s like please put some testosterone in the punch.
The Christian movement for African American men has no cause. There is no rallying cry. There is no vision for the Christian Kingdom. Of course you have some churches doing more than others. But, we have to wake up. It’s not about your church. It’s about the Kingdom of God and that movement takes hundreds of churches to get things done. Not one or two mega churches.
Hope this sparks some discussion or at least some thought. Maybe even help some of the ladies out there that can’t figure out where all the men are in church. We are disgruntled and disenfranchised. The problem is, it’s been this way for a long time.
Now this does not mean that I do not love Jesus Christ. I truly believe he is my Lord and Savior. Let’s make that clear.
Here is a link to the article the guy wrote. Couldn’t find it on AJC but here is the link on the Washington Post > article.
*Addendum
In addition to that link, one of my readers very kindly suggested that I check out
www.skippinchurch.com. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I got there, but it was a very good read. It’s a site that a brother created dealing with the topic I just wrote on. It’s worth the time to check out. It is in blog format, so you can reply to some of his intriguing topics.
Absolutely Excellent Entry! The Black Church has left Brothas behind a long time ago. Most women are emotional creatures and it speaks to them - until it begins to seriously speak to you all - it will continue to be Daddy overslept so we’re going without him.
I see no problem with not going - Organized Religion is more geared towards women anyway -
In my spectrum, Brothas only speak religion if a woman ‘mentions’ it then they all up in there - at least in theory until they can get all up in her! LOL
God is not only in that building and He doesn’t only speak to us thru that person - As long as you are in touch with God, I wouldn’t worry about it.
August 09, 2005 7:56 AM
Comment by Pammie — September 12, 2005 @ 8:50 pm
YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME, I NEED YOU TO SURIVE
I am really so sorry that u’ve been turned off by your church experiences. But plz, plz don’t lose sight of or let your heart stray from the Death, Burial, & Resurrection of JC. Don’t take your eyes or your heart off tha Lawd. (4 real). Str8 up, He made such a tremendous sacrifice, one bigger than our little carnal, fleshly, selfish minds will ever even be able to fathom so that we can experience the good life. Remember, a few bad apples don’t ruin the bunch. And the book of Hebrews reminds us not to forsake the assembly of ourselves together…Now I ain tryna come off like no religious fanatic, or like I can’t identify w/what u’re expressing (I can 2 an extent), but it seems as if you’re allowing some disappointments & displeasures cloud your fellowship experience. So not fair 2 da Lawd. Oh, wait, I used ‘tha Lawd’ earlier, didn’t I? (big difference, I’m tryna stay consistent
This is a real touchy topic.
Hey - say your mother went all out, did it all up & big 2 welcome some of your friends. (I’m usin your mom as an ex. b/c naturally our mothers r the closest people 2 us in our lives. If that doesn’t apply 2 u, then substitute that person in your life who means the most 2 you. That person that you’d kill 4, die 4, sacrifice 4) They (your friends) enjoyed their stay, & her hospitality. They really felt her, was cool chillin w/her, talkin 2 her, some even wanted to hang around a bit longer b/c her character & personality was just that off the hook. Ok, all went well, so you plan another lil get together. Invite the same ones, but a few more show up ‘cause da word done got out that your moms is extremely cool peeps, and they should come check her out. Again, erybody has a GREAT time, moms is just bein herself and enjoyin entertaining your friends. She’s actually flattered that the same ones came back, and each even brought a friend. This goes on and on several more times, and b4 u know it, the buzz in your circle is that your mom’s da bomb! You’re tickled pink (ok, maybe navy blue or gray, or some guy-ish color) that your moms is just a str8 up people magnet, and that erybody you know can’t wait to get around your mom again.
But then, for some reason, the thrill begins to wear off, and you notice that your get togethers are getting weaker and weaker. Moms is doin nothing different: she’s steady and consistent, loving the ones who come see her and admire her entertainment. Slowly but surely, the visitors are dying down, the doorbell don’t ring like it used to. The buzz about hangin out w/your mom ain as strong as it had been, or as strong as you know it SHOULD be. Again, nothin’s changed on her end. You know that moms serves up the best hospitality around, and her heart is still strong for the ones who used to come around on the norm. So now, you’re like “WTF”? “Why is erbody fallin off?” You later discover that the ones that used to come around on tha norm have stopped doing so b/c of various life issues, oth’a-people-problems, all sorta things that ain gotta damn thing to do w/your mother, or who she is.
Would you be a lil bit aggravated that folks stopped comin around b/c a few folks that also congregated w/your mother were trippin, being inconsistent, greedy, prideful etc. (all those things that distract folk from the matter at hand)? Would you be a lil hurt that folks began to fade away and avoid comin over, knowing that your mom would bend over backwards to accommodate them, and knowing that nothing about her has changed, that people just let temporal disturbances take precedence over chillin w/her? U c what I’m tryna say?
Again, I don’t mean to come all off like I’ve never been bothered by some of the things that go on in the “church world”. Believe me (I know, u don’t even know me, right?:-) my heart aches at the thought of some of the crap that church leaders are pulling over on their congregations. But my heart aches even more for brothas/people like you who feel abandoned by the Christian movement. It’s not fair to Christ. Have you considered simply seeking out another place of worship instead of ceasing regular attendance altogether?
Whoa – I didn’t mean to get this wordy. I certainly hope and pray (4 real) that you reconsider. Ever heard that song by Hezekiah Walker called “I Need You”? – “I need you, You need me. We’re all a part of God’s Body. Stand with me. Agree with me. We’re all a part of God’s Body. It is His will that every need be supplied. (here’s the part I wanna stress) YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME, I NEED YOU TO SURIVE.” And another part goes: “I pray for you, you pray for me. I love you, I need you to survive. I won’t harm you with words from my mouth. I love you. I need you to survive.”
http://music.msn.com/artist/?artist=16183001&partist=16390449#
August 09, 2005 11:22 PM
Comment by Anonymous — September 12, 2005 @ 8:50 pm
I truly appreciate your concern. But, part of what you are doing is part of the turn off as a whole when I talk to others about their disconnect with the church. I never once said that I didn’t continue to love the Lord. In fact I made sure that I put in my entry that I whole heartedly loved the Lord. I made a point about the church as an organization and you come at me dropping scriptures. People don’t need preaching to or given some scripture you have memorize everytime. Sometimes people just need simple understanding. I am not knocking you, I feel your heart is in the right place, but your methods come across canned just like the church does. A little compassion and understanding goes a long way. I don’t need to be sold on what Christ can do for me. I already know that.
I think that is another point where the church is failing. We think that if we say a couple of cute sriptures or read some parables that makes things alright. Life is much more complex than that. It takes more than just “pray” about it. Yes I know prayer is a powerful tool. Trust me I know first hand, for praying for myself and others. But, it’s not always that simple.
You also mentioned about trying another church, maybe you didn’t read where I said I had been to other churches. You know why you didn’t read it? You already had in mind what your responses would be. Church hop or pray about it. Again, we need to be more than just that.
Please don’t take my response the wrong way, but just giving you an honest response back.
August 09, 2005 11:51 PM
Comment by Freaky Good Man — September 12, 2005 @ 8:51 pm
i disconnected myself from religion last year. I couldn’t handle all the “buy my series on being a better woman/man ” DVDs for $69.95 or else you’ll burn in an eternal lake of fire.
I wanted to feel refreshed and motivated…..not put down and scared!
August 10, 2005 12:43 AM
Comment by Allison — September 12, 2005 @ 8:51 pm
check out www.skippinchurch.com
August 10, 2005 8:17 AM
Comment by Anonymous — September 12, 2005 @ 8:52 pm
Thanks for the skip church site. Very interesting read. I will add it to my original entry.
August 10, 2005 3:27 PM
Comment by Freaky Good Man — September 12, 2005 @ 8:52 pm
i find myself in a similar struggle with the church. for me it boils down to one thing. IS IT IMPORTANT TO GO TO CHURCH. as has already been mentioned, a person can maintain a relationship with god outside of church. if i could get a grasp on the importance of church, the importance of fellowshiping in the name of god with others in an organized manner, everything else would be moot. i say that because i beleive once we understand the importance of church its up to us to provide to the church what it is missing. for example, you say that the black men represented in the church are not the type of men you would hang with outside of church and that the church does not reach out to the to black men or the community on a whole. as a member of the church, as a black man, and as someone who understands the importance of the church it would be your responsibility to fill that void. but you can only do that if you believe in the need for church, which obviously you don’t or at best are you are unsure. which sadly is where i find myself.
as with most things in life its not that complicated. if falls on what you believe. either you believe that the idea of church is worthy of you time and efforts or not.
August 13, 2005 12:05 PM
Comment by 00justme — September 12, 2005 @ 8:52 pm
For me I understand the importance of church. The bible states that where there are two or more gathered in his name he will be present. So of course you want God’s presence in your church experience. Now that means a couple of things to me.That I can not have a uplifting service with God’s presence alone. And that does not mean I can not have a relationship or talk with God alone. But, in worshiping him there needs to be others that touch and agree about who he is.
That also means that there is no need for huge mega churches. He will make his presence known and felt with less numbers. He will do alot with a choosen few and not the multitudes.
Fellowshipiing with other believers should be an uplifting experience and also be apart of the support that we need in our Christian walk. Whether that is just an enouraging word or prayer. A strong prayer circle can move a lot of things.
You also made a point about if a person was a part of the church it was there responsibility to fill the void of the things I see that is missing.
Theoretically I think that is a valid point. However, a church doesn’t function like that. A church can be very political and if you come in making to many waves you will find yourself on the periphial looking in trying to figure out what happened. Part of the purpose of me joining the Men’s bible study and being on the Men’s conference committee was so I could make a change. And you are only able to make so much of a difference unless its your church and you are the pastor. That’s why you see so many churches popping up everywhere. Someone in the fold is never happy so they go and start their own thing to try to make it the way they think things should occur.
For me it’s not being unsure the significance of the church at all. It’s a disappointment in the direction of the church and it’s practices.
Like I alluded to earlier, it’s not just a black man thing. A lot of women have responded to me off of the blog saying they feel very similar.
August 14, 2005 12:29 PM
Comment by Freaky Good Man — September 12, 2005 @ 8:53 pm
I guess I don’t look to the church to do anything. I go to get refreshed, but I take it upon myself to represent Jesus to the world.
Personally, I don’t go as often as I used to either - and I’m a woman. I too am tired with the current definition of church. I get there in time to hear the word and I’m out. But I continue to live my life as a representative of Christ. I don’t think its an issue with the church and men, I think its an issue with the church and folks that are real.
When I first came to Christ, I was one of those holier than thou types - I don’t knock that time in my life because it helped me to get rooted in the word. But as I became a little more balanced in my life - not compromising the word, but balanced - I realized that the institution called church grates my nerves.
I think men are tired of the fakeness in the church and women, by nature are still caught up in the emotionalism. And some people just go to church because that’s the thing to do.
I don’t think you need to go to church to be a Christian - but at the same time, I think all the men (black men) that are complaining about the church need to take it upon themselves to be an agent of change. If this thing is so rampant, there ought to be a grassroots movement to get these ‘wanna go to church but sick of church’ types together and start implementing the think tanks, etc. Otherwise, I’m going to view it as an excuse to sleep late on Sundays. In other words ‘don’t talk about it, be about it’
BTW I love your blog so far - although I haven’t read anything outside of the church and politics section…
Comment by Tazzee — September 22, 2005 @ 12:20 am
I found your thoughts to be very interesting. I have ask alot of young single black men why don’t they attend church on a regular basis.. and no one has been able to give me at least a clue. But reading your blog.. I have some insight as to what needs to be prayed for when it comes to the men in the Body of Christ. Thank you.
Comment by Moca — October 2, 2005 @ 11:35 pm
FGM, I read your original entry and skimmed over all of the other entries and comments. Here’s how I feel about the whole issue: organized religion HAS failed us. I came to that conclusion one Sunday after sitting in church and clearly realizing that it was obviously segregated. Yes! In 2002. It just so happened that at that same time I was taking a religion class as part of my curriculum to obtain my bachelors degree. Sparing you all of the boring detail, what that class did was open my eyes to true, for real spirituality. Perhaps the same kind Malcom X found when he took his exodus. Knowledge about Jesus, God, the history of how humans have worshiped them, and what is required of us today to faithfully worship Him is not a great mystery. Reading the bible will provide the answers. The bible is simply a history book; reading it from the perspective you would a high school history book will yield the same kind of “history” lessons that will better you as a person. Once you’ve become stronger in your spirituality, your faith will strengthen also AND (here’s a shocker) you will see organized religion for what it’s worth: an outside (of your home) forum in which to praise and worship our Lord God. Also, one quick side note: man’s walk in religion/spirituality/faith is just like our “life” walk and our “romance/love” walk. We are all at different places (or exits as I like to call them); therefore, remain non-judgemental of others and less critical of yourself. You’ll get to where you need to be in due time, my brother.
Take Care!!!
Comment by DIVAlasvegas — October 13, 2005 @ 3:41 am
Hey Freaky_Good_Man,
I read this blog and I feel that you are so on point with your feelings. Even though I am a female, I am also tired with church theatrics. I am at a point now where I love the Lord, and I want to be as complete in Him as possible. Because of this, just hearing the preacher holla “God is good” is so not going to get it. I am an officer in my church, and to be honest, sometimes I wish that I never was made aware of the politics, rumors, etc. that don’t have anything to do with Christ, but with people. I am sick of it. I am sick of seeing churches on every street corner in the black community, but there is still drugs, poverty, crime and like in the community. It is not about us individually, but about the body of Christ as a whole.
I think that one of the reasons that men feel disconnected is because church IS geared towards women, which I feel is unfair. I, as a woman, don’t like to be patronized, so the present atmosphere at church gets on my nerves. I wish that the church would realize that if they would equip men AND women WITH THE WORD and not stale catch phrases to live better lives, we as a community will be in a much better state.
Sorry for the length of the post, but I just need to vent. I am going to keep all of us (those who seek Christ for real) up in prayer. May God continue to bless you.
Isis101
Comment by Isis101 — January 2, 2006 @ 3:53 pm
Ive been on your page since this morning and cant seem to leave i will be here until ive read it all. I can identify with this topic. Im a pastors daughter and a believer but have been disconnected for a long time now and im not proud of it, but i dont feel bad about it either, church isn’t what it use to be its more like a business your soul is not really an issue and if u are not on staff and paying your tithe and whatever fees that are required u will never be anything in the church today anyway, unless u belong to one of the so called (store front) churches. If you dont have the church or JC inside you u are almost out of luck. sometimes i feel as if i would give to Oprahs Angel network i would feel better that to give to some churches, they are only interested in who can build the biggest edificace or who can by the pastor the nicest suits, it all makes me sick. but i still love my lord and saviour because they all will have to anwsner for this. Dont give up u can still help people along the way and spread the word and show love without even stepping foot in church. there’s nothing wrong with going but when i dont go i feel as tho im not missing anything. I hope i will change soon because the church is my first love. God has truly been good too me.
Comment by interested reader — February 1, 2006 @ 11:22 pm