I have gotten some interesting responses back from my blog. And I really enjoy it. But over the last week or so, I have had 4 female friends say to me that I am not messing with you. I am scared of you. lol Now a couple of them read my blog, but I am a pretty open person, so I don’t mind sharing my experiences. The responses I have had from my friends made me really wonder if a woman would really not talk to me because of my sexual experiences. I have always been open with a woman about the things I have done. And it has never been an issue.
In my mind, I would think that a woman would want a man that can be open and enjoys pleasing a woman sexually. Should it matter the things that I have experienced sexually? I was single when I did the things, I always used protection and it’s not like I have ever done any bi or dl things (that I could understand if a woman was like hell no). If I don’t ask or push on a woman anything that she isn’t comfortable with, why would my experiences bother you? Is it an intimidation factor? Is it, you think I would expect those things from you?
As I have written before in my blog, I wouldn’t expect the woman I marry to want to do swinging, or 3somes, or Domination and submission. I do want us to be able to explore with ourselves. But, I am having my real freaky experiences now, so that when I do find that wonderful woman to settle down with, I am not sneaking out the back door, or having secret emails with anyone. I think people get themselves in trouble in their relationships because they have not experienced anything and they start getting those urges to experience their unfulfilled fantasies.
So I ask my female readers, would you honestly be intimidated by the things I have experienced sexually if you were considering a long-term relationship? If so, why? And if that’s the case, would you prefer a man that is not open sexually?
Me personally no, I wouldn’t be intimidated but I have come across TONS of women who would be. From what they have explained it is the fear of not measuring up or you getting bored with them. Then there is also the “unknown” if they don’t really know what swinging is about or understand some of the things you have done they may fear them because they don’t understand them.
Some women do want moderately inexperienced men so that the two of them can learn and grow together.
June 10, 2005 4:29 PM
Comment by MzB — September 1, 2005 @ 4:35 am
I can understand a woman being a little concerned (not necessarily intimidated) especially when the sexual experiences are ones that they wouldn’t be prone to engaging in themselves.
June 11, 2005 11:36 PM
Comment by Anonymous — September 1, 2005 @ 4:35 am
Well I amnot intimidated… I am a strong dominate black woman and desire the same in a black man. You must respect me though…. that is the only way to get respect back… What you do in your life is between you and God…you have to stand before him not me…. as for being a freak we all are and as long as ou dont degrade or humiliate your wife … it should be ok.
June 12, 2005 4:56 PM
Comment by shell — September 1, 2005 @ 4:36 am
Personally, I would not feel intimidated unless I was placed in a position of my mate wanting to do things that were beyond my comfort level. I sometimes find that once a man is aware of the things that you have experienced sexually in the past, it almost seems that there is a looming expectation on their part to experience the same with you. Do not get me wrong,I consider myself to be an sexually openminded woman, and appreciate a sexually openminded man to almost a fault. Consequently, in any of my significant relationships, there must be a discernible degree of sexual exploration and willingness, providing that it is on mutual terms. And for me, the cement of it all is a mutual connection on all planes: emotional, mental, and physical.
June 13, 2005 9:04 PM
Comment by Ms Analytical — September 1, 2005 @ 4:36 am
If a woman is intimidated by you and your sexual experiences, then she isn’t the right one for you anyway. The right woman will accept you for the Freaky Good Man that you are, threesomes and all - LOL.
My female friends and I are all inexperienced women in our early 30’s. We spent so much time focusing on our careers that sex and relationships were on hold. I even have a friend who’s still a virgin!
Now we all want to have these experiences. But not with just anyone….and I think that’s where the comfort level comes in.
I always say that communication is key to any long-term relationship. Communication about sex, past experiences, AND expectations about the relationship has to be included.
June 15, 2005 10:21 AM
Comment by AngieMD2007 — September 1, 2005 @ 4:37 am
Hell no. Can’t be w/ someone for the REST OF MY LIFE if they’re all closed minded. I will say though that for me at this point in my life, it’s not a question of intimidation but a question of SECURITY and TRUST. If my man had a freaky past, I’m cool if it’s in the past and his ass has been tested. If he wants to be all those freaky things with ME then cool, but if he’s a flat out ho doing unmentionable unsafe disease prone shit with just anyone and trying to pass my ass around too then no.
I fooled around with a swinger for a bit, still do sometimes, and at first I was kind of intimidated just based on the freak nasty notions I had in my head, and cause he’s into all the 3somes and such, but I went for it and trust me, he is just a man. No reason to be intimidated at all. Swingers hit it just like everybody else, and have their off days too (LOL!) Shit, he calls me nasty, so don’t overestimate anyone and don’t underestimate yourself. Intimidation can’t exist without insecurity, so get over it. I will always recommend hooking up with that nasty ass man you’re “affraid” of. HOWEVER stay away from them damn Scorpios!
June 22, 2005 2:56 AM
Comment by scrltpsy — September 1, 2005 @ 4:38 am
It sounds like your intentions are genuine and any woman you decide to become serious with should respect that. Getting it all out of your system. I wish more men had that mentality before they settled down. Maybe the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high.
June 26, 2005 11:09 PM
Comment by QueenT — September 1, 2005 @ 4:38 am
I’m a little late, but, I need to kick in with some reality. I’m creative and have had many interesting sexual experiences. And, yes, I would definitely be intimidated by your experiences… not because of the magnitude but more so the variety and creativity.
With me and most of my friends, when we’re in serious relationships, one of the big concerns is keeping it exciting. Finding ways to keep our man sexually interested and wanting more. Knowing the type of experiences you’ve had, not the numbers, would be the most intimidating factor. The average woman is going to wonder what it would take to keep you satisfied. And, I think most women would think you would give a “normal” (whatever) sex life a try, but, would eventually long for your days of threesomes, birthday orgies, and happy hour head! LOL.
So, as a woman who’s done a lot, it’s intimidating.
July 18, 2005 1:04 AM
Comment by Tasty K — September 1, 2005 @ 4:39 am
True you may not have done any BI or DL things,but u don’t know if any of the women you’ve been w/were with guys that do that.And I can see where you’re experiences can be very intimadating to anyone that knows of your experiences or has read your blogs.You almost feel like u have to perform to a certain level or else.
Comment by browngrlsexi — October 30, 2005 @ 3:14 am
I know this is late and I really hope U read this. I think the real question is how would you feel about the woman you’re wanting to marry if she has had the same experiences you have had sexually. Would it bother you that she has had a threesome or anal sex. Would it bother you that she has opened herself to these experiences with other men. I am a strong believer in whats good for the goose is good for the gander but I find that most men want to have the world sexually However men find themselves at a loss if their woman has done the same…
Comment by kdubbb34 — February 25, 2006 @ 10:23 pm
Hi Kdubbb34,
I would be open to it for the most part. There are a couple of things that would probably be over the line for me for my future wife. If she did gang bangs and was the gang bangie. lol I would not be cool with that. If she was into being peed on I would not with it.
Now if she had anal or a 3some, no problem with me. I feel that anybody can be open. The line is drawn for me when there seems to be some whorish tendencies.
When there is an issue of faithfulness then I have a problem.
Comment by freakygoodman — February 25, 2006 @ 10:39 pm
Not too inclined to be pissed on although I have been pissed off..(Sorry very weak stab at humor… lololol)
however,
Whorishness is a relative term…one could say that your experiences are whorish yet,in reality, it is simply you allowing yourself to explore all that your body has to offer and receive.
Were I to have had the same experiences and the same frequencies I would definitely not be considered marriageable(is that a word?)
Now, lets talk about that gang bang thing. Is it ok if you bang her with your friends? and the bangee? shes ok to be banged by you and your friends? Why is her having that experience unappealing to you?
(really when you think about it whats the difference between a threesome foursome or eightsome? but I digress)
After all is said and done, you are the better for having been a part of that experience. Why not her as well?
No, sadly she will be viewed as a whore(with whorish tendencies?)and a recepticle for pleasure rather than being thought of as her exploring her own sexual boundaries. I mean the Creator made us ALL sexual creatures not just men.
I say this not to instigate an argument but more to incite thought… I love my fair share of sex and the MANY ways that we have been blessed to experience our bodies and others…
I am not a man basher in the least. Men however have been the leaders of sexual escapades and are often applauded by both men and women (as exampled in the many responses you’ve received including mine lolol).
I think its ok if we TRULY applaud a woman for being able to enjoy her body and other’s without us secretly saying she has whorish tenedencies.
Please forgive my rambling and thoughts within thoughts (that’s my writing style)
I just want to keep the universe balanced…
Comment by kdubbb34 — March 4, 2006 @ 6:17 pm
@Kdubb I thought that I had already responded to this but apparently I had done it mentally and not in writing. Let me respond the best I can.
Whorish and freaky are relative. I think a lot of people consider themselves or others freaky just because they have a high sex drive. The two are very different.
Unfortunately you are right that there are double standards when it comes to men’s sexual conquest and women’s. I have a couple of female friend’s that can get as freaky as me and I love hearing there stories. Because I know who they are as people I never consider them in a whorish light. I know them as hard working women that raise their families. So when they share their exploits with me, it’s just a turn on and there is nothing added with that.
Now the flip side to that is that if i were in a relationshp with them, I probably really would not have gotten the chance to know them as a friend first and really know that their exploits were just pure enjoyment. And it had nothing to do with not being able to commit or wanting to just be out there. It was sexual exploration. But if I had heard their stories as there boyfriend’s it would probably bring up red flags to me. But, if I were to date them now after getting to know them truly as friends i would be comfortable with it.
We have always held women in high esteem. We hold wives, mothers and sisters up on a pedastal. So to also be able to see them as sexually liberated people just doesnt go hand and hand because of societal ideology. Is it right? Not at all, but it is what it is.
Every person has a limit to what they are comfortable with. I would be very intrigued to be a voyeur to a gang bang. I would not want to participate in one, so for a woman I was dating to have done it would probably be over the line for me in regard to her, simple because its past what I would be comfortable with. I do get the notion that it’s her enjoying herself and being sexually liberated. But, my limits would be the limits that I would want my mate to have.
Comment by freakygoodman — March 14, 2006 @ 2:32 am
HELL NAW, I WOULDN’T TAKE NE OF THE THINGS U SAY & USE THEM AGAINST U! HELL I’D USE THEM 2 MY BENIFITS!!! I LIKE NEW BOOTY IF THAT SOMETHIN U DO THEN TOOT UR MFIN HORN!!(BEEP BEEP)MAYBE WE CAN HANG OUT!!
Comment by CANCERIANDIVA79 — April 9, 2006 @ 12:01 am